LoyalBekah's Blog
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Goodbye old friend
9/18/07 7 CommentsJenni had just turned 13 years old and over this past year she developed a lot of problems with her legs and slowly she became unable to walk. Over the past week she completely lost the use of her legs.
As the week went on Jenni started to refuse food water and eventually her medication. A year ago Jenni started suffering from seizures and without her medication it would only be a matter of time before she had another one and considering how sick she had become she most likely would not have been able to survive another one.
I knew this day was coming for awhile now but there still really is nothing you can do to prepare yourself. It is so hard to let her go when she has been such a huge part of my family’s lives and my friends as well. I was starting the 6th grade when Jenni joined our family as a little puppy. It won’t be the same without her.
“Now I know I have a heart…because it is breaking” (Tin Man, Wizard of Oz)
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Picture with Rufus!!!
8/31/07 0 CommentsSo I was over at the forum for Rufus Wainwright and the lovely Cindy managed to capture this photo of me (in the halter top) and my friend Kathy when we all got to meet Rufus. YAY!!!!! Please read the blog below for all the exciting details of the night. :)
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Rufus Wainwright August 29th 2007
8/31/07 3 CommentsLast night was truly a night never to be forgotten.
I set off to London (Ontario) with my best friend Kathy to see the fantastic Rufus Wainwright in concert. As to be expected, I was beside myself with excitement. This was only my second time seeing Rufus live, the first being only mere months ago in June. I have been a devoted Rufus fan since the release of his album “Poses” in 2001.
We had fantastic 6th row seats at Centennial hall for the concert. Rufus took the stage in all his glory dressed in a red and white striped suit (minus a shirt under his jacket) and decked out with sparkly pins, bracelets, rings and necklace.
Rufus played all 12 tracks from his new album “Release the Stars” as well as a few handfulls of songs from past albums and a few numbers by Judy Garland. A costume change included Rufus returning to stage in his german liderhosen and the encore a cabaret drag routine with Rufus applying lipstick and singing his version of Judy Garland’s “Get Happy” wearing pantyhose, high heels and suit jacket (pants? nope!) Rufus is a brilliant entertainer and his voice is overwhelming and haunting beautiful. I was left many times with goosebumps and near tears in my eyes. I cannot but the beauty of his voice and piano combined live into words.
Along with his absolute greatness, Rufus has a wonderful sense of humor and often gets off on a rant to the audience, forgets what his point was, and ends up with all of us (Rufus included) laughing hysterically. He said he was a little spaced last night and was trying to remember where London was. “Are we above or below Toronto? Are we near a lake? Which one?” The audience shouting out different answers only made him more confused. He then attempted to start his song “Leaving for Paris” and it clicks in his mind “There’s a Paris in Ontario!!!” which prompts a laughing fit throughout the rest of the song. Too much fun!
After the concert Kathy and I (along with a good group of others as well) walked around the back of Centennial Hall and waited by the tour busses. After about maybe an hour Rufus came out to meet us! He was beautiful, so kind and sweet. While walking out to us he said something about not posing for pictures because he was not feeling well. We could however take pictures of him while he was there.
Rufus made his way around to the group of a good 50 people. He smiled his enchanting smile as he came up to me and said hello. He signed the poster I bought at the show and I told him how wonderful it was to meet him. He smiled again and said thank you. Still having his attention I was about to tell him how much his music has touched my life, especially over this past year, and how grateful I am to have his music around me and how his art is able to keep me happy and gives me hope. However, as I was about to tell him this his assistant (or whoever she was) taps my shoulder and says “You CAN’T get a picture with him!” That totally caught me off guard as I didn’t even ask him for a picture, he said he didn’t want to pose, I get that and respect it. Ididn’t even have my camera in my hand! Kathy had it actually. So I have no idea what her problem was but she completely stole away my moment and in those few seconds Rufus had moved on to signing the next autograph so my window of opportunity was gone. It was a really bizzare moment, I have no idea why she said that to me but I was pretty annoyed that she did and I lost my chance. Maybe she was just tired and in a rush, the band was leaving that night for Toronto so Rufus could tape a segment for Bravo today.
However, I don’t hold this against Rufus whatsoever. This was in no way his fault, infact he probably didn’t even see it happen. I have nothing but respect and love for this man. He has touched my life in such a wonderful way and nothing could ever ever change that. I’m so happy and thrilled for the few moments I got to have with him last night and if I have learnt anything over the past year is to keep positive and believe that there WILL be another chance to meet him again. Good things come to those who wait.
One of my favourite parts of the show was when Rufus sang the Irish song “Macushla” It was taught to him by his mother (the great Kate McGarrigle of the McGarrigle Sisters) and it is sung without a microphone. Rufus’ voice filled the hall with splendor and beauty. Macishla means “heart throb” and Rufus jokingly adds “yeah….it’s a song about me”
I have wanted to get something Rufus related done as a tattoo but have been struggling for a long time with an idea. Last night while waiting for the concert to start Kathy looks at the poster I bought and said she thinks it would make a beautiful back piece. The poster is not like your typical photograph done up poster style but more of a sketch of Rufus with lovely stars and accents around him. Kathy is so right when she says it would be a great tattoo. It will definitely be a gorgeous portrait and I plan on making it happen…and soon!
My husband is not as excited about my idea but I think this is a situation where we will have to agree to disagree. My love and respect for Rufus has grown so much over the past year or two, ever since my struggle with Fibromyalgia started. Before I was diagnosed I went through a good year of being scared and angry and not knowing what would happen to me. Rufus was one of the people who I could really find comfort in. His music could take me to a place where thee was no pain and only happiness. After my diagnosis in September of 2006 his music continued to help and heal. He keeps me calm and keeps me peaceful. He gives me a lot of hope because Rufus himself has had a lot of obstacles to over come in his life. He’s gay and came out as a teenager. He fell victim of rape shortly after and in the early 2000’s became addicted to crystal meth which left him temporarily blind and soon after found his way into rehab. Even after all of this Rufus was able to get through it, continue his career, and grow as a person. He gives me the hope that I too can grow, be happy and face my chronic pain condition head on. He has given me the hope that I will be ok and I can do it even when things spiral down and I have more pain than I can deal with that at the end of it all I can survive. I know my husband does understand where I’m coming from but it’s hard to wrap your head around if you yourself do not live with a chronic pain condition. Sometimes with a condition such as this one you have to be a little selfish and do what is right for you. This tattoo I know is right and will allow me to carry a little piece of Rufus with me everywhere I am and I can look at it when I need that extra boost and be reminded of everything good that I am and that I can overcome these obstacles. Hopefully I will be able to tell this all to Rufus in person, show him that tattoo and say thank you.
Ok, I know there must be some of you out there thinking that I have said similar things about other important people in my life, and yes, that is true but just to clear the air, these people have all impacted my life in their own special way and I in turn have my own way of keeping these people close to me.
I found this article about Rufus interesting;
WAINWRIGHT’S BUMPY RIDE TO FAME by Sunny BurnsRufus Wainwright is excited about inspiring Australia.He was born into showbiz royalty but who would’ve thought that a pedigree like Rufus Wainwright’s could lead to a life of rape, drug abuse and gay beats?
But it is these experiences, plus a host of others that have inspired Wainwright’s latest album, Release The Stars, which he says reveals the complex mind of a post-modern musician.
“I’ve produced the fifth album myself. It’s a very comfortable record but is a lot more assertive about what I want and need from life,” Wainwright said.
“The whole idea is that it’s time to release your love and ideas – to take action and be somebody.
“My favourite songs are Slideshow and Do I Disappoint You. They capture my perception of what I thought the song would be like when I wrote them.”
Already midway through his world tour, Wainwright will arrive in Australia for a string of concerts in January.
“It’s going to be a big show – there’ll be eight of us on stage,” he said.
“All of us will be dressed on stage – with costume changes, dancing and dramatic impulses. The costumes will be a mixture of Eurocentric and Allah.”
Wainwright is the son of singers Loudon Wainwright III and Kate McGarrigle. He rose to popularity on the Montréal club circuit when he was in his 20s, where he won a Juno award for best alternative album.
But Wainwright doesn’t believe his success is based on his famous pedigree – though it did have some influence.
“It wasn’t like being in the Jackson 5 and my parents weren’t superstars – there was room to grow,” he said.
“I feel very fortunate to know how to operate on a stage through an infantile instinct that I practically received from my mother’s breast.”
But like many young stars, and many children of well-known parents, Wainwright’s life has not always been a bed of roses. Coming out was the cause of much grief and despair.
“I came out to myself at 14, which was quite rare back then,” he said.
“I couldn’t come out to my parents then because that would have freaked them out because of AIDS. I accepted that and started hanging out in a lot of parks.”
But that passion for beats soon caused its own problems, with Wainwright sexually assaulted in London’s Hyde Park.
“It made me not want to have sex for a long time, which in retrospect was horrific and I had to deal with the mental issues,” Wainwright said.
“It was probably not a good idea to have sex at that time but it made me concentrate on my songwriting.”
But it was his battle with drugs, particularly crystal meth, that had the biggest impact on Wainwright both personally and professionally. It was a battle he won, but only thanks to the help of friends and family – particularly Sir Elton John.
“There are no redeeming qualities with crystal and it’s not worth trying or contemplating. It’s in a league of its own,” he said.
“With gay men it targets the fear and repression and diseases and anxiety. It’s the devil.
“I don’t know if I had a near-death experience, but the emotional breakdown helped me stop.”
But life after 30 is proving a boon time for Wainwright. He plans to write many more songs and record more material which he hopes will inspire the world on to bigger and better things.
But Wainwright says he still has one major concern in his life – the insipidness of the gay community.
“It’s become dull and dumb. The unfortunate pay-off to easy access to a homosexual lifestyle is that the mystery has dissolved and you don’t have to try as hard as you used to,” he said.
“I don’t want gay men today to forget that we have this amazing heritage and intense history that shouldn’t be forgotten. There was a time gay people had to be smart to survive.”
Rufus Wainwright plays at Sydney State Theatre on Tuesday 29 and Wednesday 30 January 2008. Tickets for the 30 January concert go on sale Thursday 6 September —————–
Thanks for reading (for those of you that did) Feel free to comment!
Here are some pics!
autograph close up :)
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Beach vacation Aug. 18th-25th 2007
8/26/07 2 CommentsOk, so where exactly did the summer go? It was a year ago around this time that I was booking our cottage in Kincardine (which is on Lake Huron) for the week and it feels like it was only yesterday. The summer really has gone by way too fast.
We had a great week at the beach. I missed spending time in Kincardine. My family used to rent a cottage there every summer (often for 3-4 weeks!) since I was 3 years old. It was nice to go back and carry on my family's tradition with my husband.
We had a cute little log cabin on the beach. It was full of personal touches and very cozy with all the comforts of home. The bedroom was my favourite, it had two huge windows that looked out to the lake and a door out to the deck. There was also a small window above the bed which I kep open all night so I could hear the waves crashing on the shore while I slept.
The deck was the perfect spot for lounging. We had great views of the beach and lake plus lots of trees for shade. We ate every meal there and spent most of our time on the deck when we were not in town or on the beach.
The cottage was about a 20 minute walk to the light house and harbour and then another 10 minutes or so to town. The location was fantastic! The owner of the cottage (Art) was a very kind man too. When we arrived there was a welcome bottle of wine on the counter for us. Art came down to greet us shortly after our arrival.
The majority of our days were spent on the beach and in the lake. I walked the shore several times a day looking for seaglass. We used to do that all the time when I was little. Seaglass is basically pieces of glass, bottles, cups, etc. that have fallen over board from boats. The pieces get smoothed out and polished on their journey back to shore. The most common colours are gree, white and brown but you can get lucky every now and then and find some turquoise and dark blue. It's great for decorating, mosaics, etc.
We had take out twice from the Erie Belle which is my absolute favourite seafood restaurant. Their fish & chips and caesar salad is to die for!
One afternoon we took a trip to the Steelback beer brewery. It is located between Kincardine and Tiverton but their direction signs are quite misleading! The main billboard tells you to turn left at Conesssion 4 so we drive and pass Conession 2 and the next is Conession 6!? The only place I could figure out was Bruce Road 20 which did take us to the brewery. I felt like asking the lady at the store if they get a lot of visitors. LOL. Probably not with that sign! We purchased a variety of different beers from their store so we got to sample a little of everything they make. I'm quite fond of the Steelback Thunder, it's a stronger beer with 8.5% alcohol instead of the usual 5.5%.
Every night at sun down the Phantom Piper plays bagpipes on top the lookout deck at the Kincardine light house. Kincardine's settlers were Scottish so Kincardine stays true to their Scottish roots. The story of the Phantom Piper is as follows:
Back in 1856, on a cold, October day, a small vessel left the Port of Goderich carrying a family from the Isle of Skye, Scotland. It was the final leg of a journey for the immigrant family that intended to farm at Penetangore (now Kincardine).
The weather was cloudy with a light breeze out of the southwest when the vessel left Goderich. But as the boat approached Point Clark, the sky turned black and a cold wind started to blow out of the west making for heavier and heavier seas.
As the vessel slowly beat its way north, late afternoon turned to dusk and the captain feared he would not find Penetangore in the dark.
Donald Sinclair, fearing for his family, went down into the hold and fetched his pipes. He prayed for safe passage and then played a lament. The sound of the pipes carried across the water to Penetangore where another piper heard the rich sound. The settler on shore retrieved his pipes and played another lament in return, just as the sky suddenly cleared in the west and the sun set beneath the cold waters.
The captain, knowing he had to be near Penetangore, headed for the drone of the bagpipes and eventually made his way into the harbour.
For many years after the narrow escape, Donald Sinclair often went down to the harbour to play the pipes at dusk. They say it was a way to remember his good fortune and to remind others of the power of the pipes. And it's in the memory of Donald Sinclair that the Kincardine Scottish has decided to play at dusk atop the lighthouse on sunny summer evenings. The piper will only appear when the sun sets and will pipe the sun down.
My family has what we call the Reist Family Vacation Curse. Every year we went away something would happen. Most of the time it was injuries, mainly to myself and my dad. I suffered broken toes on more than one occasion. My dad tore a tendon in his finger one year but the ultimate occurance was the year he broke his foot in the lake! Kincardine is a small town of 10,000. When we took my dad to the hospital the only person who could set his foot was on vacation so he was wrapped in a tensor bandage and given crutches then sent back to the cottage. Luckily it was our last day there.
Last summer while on honeymoon in Maui I found out that I am allergic to the ocean and had a rash for 2 days after we went snorkling. Later that summer I sprained my wrist while camping.
This vacation was no different! I told Joe that by marrying me he has also married the Vacation Curse.
Wednesday night we were sitting out on the deck as usual playing cards. Joe thought he saw something run under the deck. Our dog saw it too and began to bark. A few minutes later we could smell a skunk so we decided to go inside. Well, it looks like Monty did a good job at keeping the skunk away from us but the critter went under our cottage and sprayed!!! Nothing beats a midnight trip to Sobeys for a ton of Febreeze. For the next two days we had our windows open 24/7 and it still slightly smelt of skunk when we left today. Art thankfully had a good sense of humour about it and was not upset.
The following day Joe was in the lake lost his wedding ring!! Luckily he managed to find it otherwise I would have burried his body right there on the beach. Yes, I think it is safe to say that the Vacation Curse has yet to be broken.
All in all we had a great trip and can only look back on the few mishaps and laugh. At the very least we have some great storys to tell!
View of our cottage from the beach
the deck
cozy living room and bedroom behind
kitchen
Monty could be the new model for Outward Hound life jackets with this pic!
swimming Monty!
Me with Monty on the beach
Kincardine light house
My favourite street in Kincardine
Joe and Monty
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New tattoo in the works
7/26/07 2 CommentsI posted this blog at my Myspace yesterday but decided to share it with you all since it is very relevant here as well. :)
Over the last few months I have been searching and gathering ideas for my next tattoo. A lot has happened to me in the last year. A lot of changes. It was a long and often hard road but I feel that I have come out of it a wiser and stronger person. I still have a lot of learning to do though but that's okay.
In November I had my Hawaiian tattoo done which marked a huge turning point in my life. My husband and I honeymooned in Maui so I found this particular tattoo depicted that part of my life perfectly. It marks my commitment, my love, my over all joy. There are pieces of both of us captured in this tattoo.
July brought with it the two year mark since my root canal was done. Two years since that dentist whom I now refer to so lovingly (if you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic) as "Dr. Satan" caused irreversible damage to my jaw joints. Two years since the pain started. Two years since the worry, anxiety and fear of "what the hell is wrong with me?" set in.
This coming September will mark my first year living with Fibromyalgia. Even though the year seems to be moving so fast, I had a lot to deal with over that year not to mention the year previous to that. There are a ton of happy memories but at the same time a lot of struggling, a lot of questioning, a lot of difficult obstacles.
Being diagnosed at 22 years old with a chronic pain condition, a condition that will forever be with me, well….it wasn't easy to deal with. It was a relief to have a name to give my condition, but that relief was rather a small one. My mind had been so plagued with worry and fear leading up to that moment that when my diagnosis came I was both happy to have an official face to put on my pain but also became incredibly frustrated. We all live our lives expecting everything to be normal and that our bodies will remain the same. You don't think that you can go from how you normally feel, how your normally function into a whole new world. With the blink of an eye everything you once knew had been turned upside down. For lack of better wording, it fucks with your mind.
I found myself constantly questioning everything I did. Every action I made had a consequence. I became easily angered and constantly frustrated. The simplest of things could make me angry. This was before I discovered that stress is quite an aggravating factor for Fibromyalgia. The more stress you have the more pain you get. My medication does help for the pain but it cannot get my mind out of the state I was in. That job was up to me.
I had to stop questioning myself and learn. When you suffer from a chronic condition, knowledge is key. Communication with those around you is so incredibly important. Only when you understand yourself can you help yourself and teach your loved ones how you feel and in turn, help them to learn what they can do for you.
As the months went by I got my hands on every reference I could regarding Fibromyalgia and joined on-line communities so I am able to speak with others in the same place. We all function differently but the support is wonderful and we're an endless chain of knowledge and advice.
Music has helped me greatly to de-stress. Music can be very healing and inspirational. I owe a lot to Jeff Martin of The Tea Party. His music has got me though a lot of crappy times and an always make me feel better. Rufus Wainwright is a musical genius. His hauntingly beautiful voice combined with his piano can ease your mind like nothing else. I just love love love Rufus.
A few months ago I discovered Criss Angel. His show Mindfreak on A&E totally sucked me in. The first episode I ever saw was "Body suspension" where Criss flew of the Vally of Fire in Nevada suspended by fish hooks through the flesh of his back. I amazed me that someone would actually want to inflict themselves with pain like that. As Criss flew over the desert you could tell that there was something greater going on. He is able to put his mind in a state where pain does not exist. When he finished his stunt you could feel how proud he was of himself. He accomplished something that he had been dreaming of for a long time. I so desperately wanted to feel that kind of pride.
The next day I ordered season 1 & 2 of Mindfreak. I couldn't stop watching once they arrived. His illusions are mind blowing. His stunts, as dangerous and unnerving as they are, are just incredible. It's not just his talent that drew me in. More than his outstanding talent, it was Criss himself. His outlook on life, his attitude, his overall being is just so amazing. He really makes an emotional connection with his audience.
It is Criss' hope that with his art he can inspire others. He believes that when the mind, body and spirit work together that anything is possible. Believe, believe, believe! Criss puts himself on the line everday and it is his hope that he can teach others that if he can escape the situation he willingly put himself into that we can escape whatever situation we may be in. He believes that fear is a state of mind. I have found this to be very, very true.
Along with being an illustionist, magician, escapeoligist, over all MINDFREAK, Criss is also a musician. One line from a song of his in particular speaks to me; "Control yourself before yourself controlls you". That lyric speaks volumes. I have to be in control of myself. Nobody can change me except me.
Criss has really helped me open up and really face the situation facing me. He has helped me learn that I have nothing to fear and that I CAN live with my condition. Sure, I'm going to have pain, but I don't have to let the pain rule me. Slowly I am learning ways to cope and live with my body. He has taught me not to let my fears get the best of me. Criss really did come into my life at the most perfect time. I have amazing family and the best friends who understand my pain and do everything in their power to help but it always felt like there was a little something still missing to my puzzle and Criss definitely was the missing piece. Go ahead and laugh all you want or whatever you may feel but I am living proof that there are other people out there who have the power to inspire, to help you cope. Criss has the best philosopy and outlook on life that I have ever seen. There really are no words to truly express how much he has helped me and I don't think anyone can really understand that unless they themselves understand Criss.
All this being said, the design for my tattoo is very personal and to me marks perfectly the journey I have been on and the journey that is to follow.
My tattoo will be large and on my right shoulder. I have been drawn to a design of a Phoenix. Why? It's simple really. The Phoenix is a sacred firebird in Ancient Egyptian mythology. One story says that at the end of the bird's life-cycle (said to live for 500 - 1461 years) the Phoenix builds a nest of cinnamon twigs that it then sets onfire. Both the nest and bird burn and from the ashes a new, young Phoenix is born. The bird is also said to be able to regenerate when injured and tears from the Phoenix have the power to heal.
To me the Phoenix symbolizes the journey I have been on over the last few years. When my Fibromyalgia came, the life I had lived perviously had been take away but as I grew and educated myself I have found a whole new world. Much like the death and re-birth of the Phoenix.
In the center of the back on my Phoenix I am going to have Criss Angel's logo. Criss himself is constantly changing and learning. Criss is very much like the beautiful Phoenix and he has helped me along on my journey and has opened my eyes to the great things around me. It is very important to me to have a part of Criss incorporated into my tattoo and he fits the Phoenix more than perfectly.
I have spent time debating whether I should include some lyrics from a favourite Tea Party song but after much consideration, I think that will be too distracting and too busy. And, let's face it, there's only so much room on my shoulder! haha. Instead of the lyrics I have decided to go with "Believe" between the wings of the Phoenix. The Tea Party lyrics I can definitely work into a future tattoo.
Here is a photo of my tattoo design, minus Criss' logo. That has to be drawn in professionally by my artist.
