darkeyedwunder's Blog
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Zen Sarcasm
9/17/07 6 CommentsZEN SARCASM
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
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ehh mentally exhausted
9/4/07 1 CommentI had a 2 hour conversation with my Step Dad this morning regarding his want of starting a business for shuttle services for seniors and wheel chair bound individuals. I also told him that he has a lot of work to do if this is really what he wants to do because he will need to get additional licenses, become familiar with federal/state/county laws, attend Medicare processing and billing classes as well as Medicaid, learn bookkeeping, learn marketing because business cards are not enough and the truth came out....He doesnt want to work for anyone anymore, he wants to work for himself and revealed that he doesnt really like his job which is the shuttle servicing! I knew there was some underlying problem rather than him truly wanting to get into creating a business. So our convo turned into me telling him that he will be retiring next year..so he really needs to pull from deep within himself and find what his heart desires to do..not try to go into business for something he half ass likes..to do a business you must love and have passion for whatever that business is. Its an investment of yourself. Anyway so I left him with homework. I told him to tap into his inner self and then talk to me about his aspirations and we will research it together. I'm not doing this for him, if he wants to make a serious commitment to launching his own business then he needs to familiarize himself with it and stop going by hearsay from random people he meets. He needs to research the field and attend classes or at least the seminars offered for would be business owners. I told him I am not interested in going into the business of shuttle service. This is not where my interests or passions lay. I also reminded him that if he wants to go into business as a family it will have to be something we all enjoy. Anywho...Wow Im just drained because I have my own pressures and stresses, my medical leave ends Oct 16 so I have to secure another job by then not to mention I am going through intense therapy that totally drains me out emotionally and mentally. Later Mindfreaks, I think Im going to pop in my dvds and watch Criss all day to bring my spirits back up. =)
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another joke from my friend hahaha
9/2/07 0 Comments5 Surgeons
Five Surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, "No, I really think Librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers......those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC , shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.......there's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."
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hehe courtsey of my friend Barb
9/2/07 0 CommentsDefinitions Not in Dictionary
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have
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ahahahahahhaha
8/31/07 1 Comment
